Gratitude

It's kind of amazing what God can do for you when you actually make Him a priority in your life. I'm not talking about obtaining "things" from God,  as much as perspectives and paradigm shifts He helps me see.  I know that only He could have given me and helped me recognize one big huge gigantic piece of my missing puzzle. Gratitude. Not the "I'm so grateful for my life and my family and my home and my stuff" kinda gratitude. I feel I've carried this important yet superficial level of gratitude for most of my life. No. The I accept your will and realize my total reliance on Thy watch for all that I have. This past Sunday I began a real "fast". A "fast" in my opinion means to prayerfully submit your will to God; including going without any food or drink for up to two meals. I believe opening and closing a "fast" should be done with sincere prayer. Unfortunately I have been too selfish most of my life to take this opportunity seriously. I'm ashamed that at the ripe age of 34 I think I've only experienced this by choice less than a handful of times. So often I would forget all together it was "fast Sunday". Other times, I'd give in the natural pangs of hunger and decide I wasn't taking it seriously enough. Another huge aspect I'd falter on is what to "fast" for. I wanted it to be important and meaningful and usually couldn't find something personal enough.... I know, it's shameful. This world is FULL of meaningful and important things to "fast" about.

This past week I realized that what I desired deep down was a fast that NEEDED to come from a place of open mindedness and a willingness to let God teach instead of directing Him as to what I felt I needed help with. I fasted for a current project in my life and that it would be successful in helping even just one woman in my area. Turns out my biggest reward from that lesson was the one He so gracefully taught me.
As a young child I remember feeling so free. The kind of free that eliminates any desire to impress other humans. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to please other humans (family members) but I had no desire or even knew how to compare myself. What pure joy I once enjoyed. Comparison truly is the thief of joy. I remember just thinking of everything as exploration. My house seemed full of treasures waiting to be found. My backyard was a jungle of fun waiting to be explored. My body seemed to be an unstoppable force for whatever I deemed worthy. My loving Heavenly Father helped me remember who I really am at the core. What things drive me to be my true self. I am so grateful for His willingness to help me see my weaknesses so that they can become strengths!